Most people are familiar with the 'Five Love Languages', coined and described by Gary Chapman. His book has already sold more than 11 million times worldwide! If you don't know the five love languages yet, be sure to read on. Do you already know them? Then a short refresher is always handy and maybe my tips will give you new inspiration! Do you want to take the test yourself? You can do that (free) on this website: https://liefdestalen.nl/
The nice thing about the love languages is that they are not only applicable to love relationships, but also to friendships, contact with colleagues or the relationship with your children.
What are the five love languages?
- Affirmative or positive words
- Time and attention (quality time)
- Service (doing something for the other)
- Physical touch
I recently did the test with a number of students from the Love, Sex and Erotics minor that I supervise. I expected gift-giving to score high with the women, but most of them came in at 4 or 5! So you see that clichés don't always have to be true ;). Below I give a few nice tips per love language so that you can show your love to your partner in a way that suits him or her.
1. Affirmative or positive words
Even if it's not Valentine's Day you can send a sweet card to your loved one. Nowadays this can of course be done digitally very easily, but perhaps a handwritten card is just that little bit more special. So write a sweet card or a nice letter to your partner. Describe why you love them, what you like about them and what they mean to you. Or remind your partner of a beautiful moment you had together. Keep the card or letter, because it is very nice to read it again at a later time.
2. Time and attention
This love language goes beyond just doing "things" together. It's about really taking the time for your loved one and giving him or her your undivided attention. Maybe you like to take a nice walk in nature together (without the kids!), or play a nice game at home, go out for a nice dinner, organize a romantic evening at home... plenty of ideas. In any case, it is important that you show that you have full attention for the other person. So turn off those phones! Do you find it difficult to come up with topics for conversation? Or do you want to be surprised by a question that you might not have thought of yourself? Then take a look at the question cards of Openhearted . With this you will undoubtedly discover new things together, even if you have been married for 20 years!
A good division of tasks or a fixed role pattern can be very useful in a relationship. But if you have a partner whose love language is servitude, they will really appreciate it if you do something they don't expect. How nice is it when you come home and the laundry is clean and folded in the cupboard or there is a delicious meal ready on the table, while you do not expect it.
We also have a fixed role pattern at home. I almost always do the laundry and my husband often cooks. But I really hate folding socks. When I come upstairs and I see my husband folding a pile of socks by himself, it makes me very happy and I am extra aware that he does this out of love for me.
4. Physical touch
An indispensable love language for many people! But it doesn't always have to be about sex. Lying against each other on the couch, tickling each other or a nice big hug when you get out of work, all things you enjoy when this is your love language. Would you like to take some time for this love language? Then plan an afternoon or evening off, make sure the children are out of the house (or have a deep sleep). Order a nice erotic massage oil in our webshop and give the other person an extensive (erotic) massage. Not sure how to do this? I wrote a guide for this:
There are countless opportunities to surprise your crush if he or she has this as their primary love language. It doesn't always have to be something new or something really big. For example, take a look at something second-hand (nice and sustainable!) or a small something (a red rose, box of bonbons, sushi, nice bottle of wine...).
Do you want to give something erotic to your partner? But you don't know what he or she would like or want to try? Then my ultimate tip: Plan an evening off, light a romantic candle, make sure the household chores are done. Scroll through my webshop together, view articles or read a few blogs. Use this to discuss together what you like or don't like, what you'd like to try, or what things you might absolutely not want. Try to be open to the other. Maybe you don't like something at all, but it is a desire of your partner. Talk about it with each other and see if you can find a way to discover new things together. Who knows, you might be in for some nice surprises! And you don't have to wait long, because if you order before 11 p.m., you can enjoy it the next day ;)
Did my tips help you? Or do you have a nice tip for the readers of my blog? Feel free to leave a comment!