A positive view on sex and aging

A few weeks ago, I attended an online seminar on sexuality and aging, led by Woet Gianotten, a well-known sexologist. Gianotten is often mentioned in the same breath as the late Ellen Laan and GP/sexologist Peter Leusink. Gianotten is an inspiring speaker with a wealth of knowledge in the field of sexuality.

The content of the seminar was so fascinating that I would like to share part of it with you. Sexuality and aging is still a topic surrounded by a great deal of taboo. How often do you hear (young) people say, "I can't bear to think that my parents are still having sex"? Yet sex is also something very natural and beautiful for older people. Unfortunately, there is also a taboo in many doctors' offices, and little attention is paid to sexuality in this age group, for example in combination with medication use.

The impact of age-related complaints

Common age-related complaints that can affect your sex life include increased gas formation in the abdomen, a stiffer body, painful knees or hips, and urinary incontinence. Although these age-related ailments may be present, this certainly does not mean that you should dial back your sex life or give up on it altogether.

What can we learn from older people and sexuality?

The positive thing is that older people often deal with their sex life in a more creative way and take more time for each other. The emphasis on penetrative sex decreases, because sexual pleasure is not just about penetration. Older women often experience less pressure to reach orgasm. Perhaps aging actually reduces performance pressure and makes it more about intimacy and enjoying each other.

What you didn't know yet

There are also many assumptions about older people and sex that do not always turn out to be true. For example, did you know that men can still have an orgasm or ejaculate even if they can no longer get an erection? In women, the clitoris can still function just as well at age 80 as in a 20-year-old woman. There is the story of a 102-year-old woman in a nursing home who masturbated every evening before going to bed. Or the story of an 83-year-old lady who engaged in sexual contact with a young call girl after her husband died.

Research has also been done on the influence of culture or country of origin on the sexual experience of aging men and women. Older men in southern countries rate their sex life higher, while women from northern countries, such as Sweden and Norway, score their sex life higher. This is explained by the greater equality between men and women in the northern, more liberal countries.

Healthy aging through sex!

In addition, population studies have shown that men live longer if they have had more sex and more ejaculations, provided they are physically healthy. Women, on the other hand, live longer if they have had a more satisfying sex life. People who masturbate more often experience cognitive decline less quickly, which reduces the chance of dementia or can delay this process. This is because sex has a positive effect on your body: your heart rate increases, your blood flows faster, and all kinds of positive hormones are released.

Various studies reveal surprising results that only give a more positive view of aging and sexuality. And although we still talk little about this, this is also a taboo that we can break more. If I know that a lifetime of sexual pleasure has a positive influence on my health, my relationship, and extends my life, then I certainly want to keep investing in it within my relationship! Don't you too?

Would you like to read more about this topic? The blog above has a positive approach to aging and sexuality. However, acknowledging sexual problems in older people is also important. I have written a blog about this before and you can find it here: Sex and aging